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  1. #11
    Elite Master Alba Kebab's Avatar
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    O I see, maybe I'll try something till the weekend, when I've got hrs on end to sit and muse.

  2. #12
    Elite Master Adoede's Avatar
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    Ah. I guess I'll pick away at that through the week. I'll delete my last post about criticals too to avoid confusion.
    Adoede | Tevrosin

  3. #13
    Elite Master Kreegan's Avatar
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    So, is this initiative dead? I was fairly busy during the last few months but now I have some spare time and can give a few suggestions, if this is still in the agenda.

    For starters, the activated skills could use some variety in their expression instead of giving one and the same line every time, i.e. when an activated skill triggers, the "flavour" provided could vary. An example:

    Barreling Attack:
    Base: X tries to knock Y down with the force of the blow.
    Alternative 1: X focuses his strength in a mighty strike, trying to send Y to the ground;
    Alternative 2: X throws an overwhelming strike in a brutal attempt to feed Y some dirt;
    Alternative 3: X spots an opportunity to knock his/her opponent off balance and charges with bestial power;
    Alternative 4: X roars as he/she tries to force Y bite the dust with a vigorous swing.

    If modifications like this are possible, I'll go through the rest of the skills.

  4. #14
    The Overlord Nate's Avatar
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    I outlined what needed to be done for those interested but never heard back. I took that to mean there wasn't really much of an interest after all.

    Again, I encourage those interested to take existing fights in their entirety and line by line change it to how you think the final report would look like in your mind once it has been translated into a "show not tell" format with engaging sentences, etc. Each line need not be present in the translated version and additional sentences may need to be added to realize your vision. When done post it in this thread so everyone can take a look. You may consider having the new text in a different color to highlight the differences.
    If you would like to focus on just the skill sentences instead that would be ok too. When you are ready, please post them to this thread. To make it easy to do find and replace, instead of using X and Y, use GLADIATOR1 and GLADIATOR2. Thanks!

    Good luck in the Pit!

    -Nate-

  5. #15
    Elite Master Kreegan's Avatar
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    I intend to get to the outlined bit too but first I want to check if the part with the activated skills fits the concept in general and then eventually proceed with enrichening the soul of the battles themselves.

    Here are some suggestions for the Rage tree (move Barreling Attack to this post as well):

    Note: I'm trying to stick to the fact that some of the activated skills are not unconditionally successful, i.e. they can be parried or deflected. That makes the provisioning of the "flavour" part a bit tricky and in some cases it may sound almost like it is already successful (see Adrenaline Rush for instance), which could be a bit over the top. Let me know if these bits should be reworked to sound more like real attempts rather than successful attacks.

    Barreling Attack:
    Base: GLADIATOR1 tries to knock GLADIATOR2 down with the force of the blow.
    Alternative 1: GLADIATOR1 focuses his strength in a mighty strike, trying to send GLADIATOR2 to the ground;
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 throws an overwhelming strike in a brutal attempt to feed GLADIATOR2 some dirt;
    Alternative 3: GLADIATOR1 spots an opportunity to knock his/her opponent off balance and charges with bestial power;
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 roars as he/she tries to force GLADIATOR2 bite the dust with a vigorous swing.

    Sunder Armour:
    Alternative 1: GLADIATOR1's readies an ominous strike aimed at shattering armour and flesh.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1's weapon comes down with supernatural force, promising to obliterate everything on its path.
    Alternative 3: GLADIATOR1's unrelenting attack seeks to destroy the integrity of GLADIATOR2's armour.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 screams madly as he/she tries to devestate the armour of GLADIATOR2 with a massive blow.

    Adrenaline Rush:
    Alternative 1: Insanity fills the gaze of GLADIATOR1, his/her body is no longer made of flesh and bone.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 falls into blood trance, weak weapons can no longer harm him/her.
    Alternative 3: The mad frenzy engulfs GLADIATOR1 completely as he/she rushes toward GLADIATOR2.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 throws him/herself furiously onto the opponent, ignoring the puny concerns of mortality.

    Rampage:
    Alternative 1: The weapon of GLADIATOR1 screams the name of Death as it descends upon GLADIATOR2.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 throws his/her whole weight into a majestic blow.
    Alternative 3: People in the crowd scream in horror as GLADIATOR1 charges like a feral beast toward GLADIATOR2.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 launches a demonic attack that honours the Blood Gods against GLADIATOR2.

    Cripping Might:
    Alternative 1: GLADIATOR1's weapon lands with unforgiving force, ignoring all defenses.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 looks with disgust at GLADIATOR2's pathetic attempts to protect him/herself against the unstoppable attack.
    Alternative 3: The strength and precision in GLADIATOR1's attack leave no chance for GLADIATOR2 to defend him/herself properly.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR2's attempts to protect him/herself are brutally overcome by the power of the blow.

    I'll continue with War and Theatrics later this week.
    Last edited by Kreegan; 10-23-2014 at 05:56 AM.

  6. #16
    Elite Master Adoede's Avatar
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    Still interested in this, but I've been extremely busy of late. Perhaps I'll revisit it when I have some time.
    Adoede | Tevrosin

  7. #17
    Aspiring Master FrosteeFyre's Avatar
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    Equally busy with full University course load with ridiculous amounts of readings and essays, unfortunately I'm down for the count until late December, sorry folks!
    ~Frostee~


    Stable: Frostee Fyre-

    Baratheonus, Snivlez, Doomedsoul, Godly Greg, Bloody Bill, Benevolent Ben, Raging Rick, Dangerous Dan

    ~Regular Gladiator, HoL Gladiator, Retired Gladiator~

  8. #18
    Elite Master Kreegan's Avatar
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    War skills below:

    Death from Above:
    Alternative 1: GLADIATOR1 slowly takes a few steps back and suddenly launches his/her whole weight into the air toward GLADIATOR2.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 dives under GLADIATOR2's hasty swing and jumps to deliver the punishment.
    Alternative 3: GLADIATOR1 forcefully pushesh GLADIATOR2 away and jumps to destroy him/her.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 makes a series of deceptive manoeuvers before pushing him/herself off the ground in a great leap.

    Never Say Die:
    Alternative 1: GLADIATOR1 faces the attack of GLADIATOR2 with iron resolve.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 refuses to submit to his/her opponent and stands ready to reclaim the battle.
    Alternative 3: GLADIATOR1 casts an icy glance at GLADIATOR2 and prepares to stand his/her ground.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 assumes defensive position and gathers all his/her strength for the final resistance.

    War Cry:
    Alternative 1: The lungs of GLADIATOR1 nearly explode as he/she releases a deafening roar.
    Alternative 2: Newcomers in the arena freeze on their seats after GLADIATOR1's thunderous shout.
    Alternative 3: GLADIATOR2 almost falls to the ground when GLADIATOR1 gives a godlike war cry.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1's face turns red before releasing a terrifying shout.

    Create Distance:
    Alternative 1: GLADIATOR2's attack is interrupted halfway by a timely kick in the chest.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 evades the incomming strike and uses GLADIATOR2's wasted momentum to push him/her away.
    Alternative 3: GLADIATOR2 stares in confusion when he finds him/herself a few feets away from GLADIATOR1 after the failed attack.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 carefully follows the moves of GLADIATOR2 and easily repels the attack.

  9. #19
    Elite Master Kreegan's Avatar
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    Theatrics skills:

    Feint:
    Alternative 1: GLADIATOR1 juggles with his weapon, trying to distract GLADIATOR2 and make a surpising attack.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 takes a seemingly clumsy step, causing GLADIATOR2 to drop his/her guard for a moment in an attempt to exploit it.
    Alternative 3: GLADIATOR1 swings his weapon like he/she's trying to carve a picture into the air but suddenly the motion changes into something much deadlier.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 makes a series of fake attacks, unnerving GLADIATOR2 enough to open a gap in his/her defenses.

    Strength of the Crowd:
    Alternative 1: People all over the stands scream the name of GLADIATOR1 with awe.
    Alternative 2: The crowd is driven to ecstatic madness by GLADIATOR1's artistic suffering and roars for more.
    Alternative 3: Eyes closed, GLADIATOR1 opens his/her arms to embrace the strike of GLADIATOR2, causing a burst of applauses.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 screams in pain before the blow has even landed, triggering a wave of laughter and cheers.

    Hamstring:
    Alternative 1: GLADIATOR1 targets a particularly painful spot, trying to cripple the ability of GLADIATOR2 to fight back.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 tries to sever the sinews from the bones of GLADIATOR2.
    Alternative 3: GLADIATOR1 lands a carefully placed blow aimed at disrupting the offensive techniques of GLADIATOR2.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR1 prepares a sinister attack that would make GLADIATOR2 whimper in pain for the crowd.

    Surprise Ending:
    Alternative 1: With an unbelievable motion GLADIATOR1 redirects the power of the attack back at GLADIATOR2.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR2 suddenly finds him/herself defending against his/her own strike.
    Alternative 3: The crowd goes wild as GLADIATOR1 manages to turn the attack of GLADIATOR2 against him/her.
    Alternative 4: Spectators on the first rows can't believe their eyes when GLADIATOR1 makes an impossible move that turns the direction of GLADIATOR2's attack.

    Entangle*:
    Alternative 1: The net of GLADIATOR1 drops like a cloak of death on GLADIATOR2.
    Alternative 2: GLADIATOR1 grabs his/her net with both hands and throws it at GLADIATOR2.
    Alternative 3: GLADIATOR1 distracts GLADIATOR2 with a few fake moves of his/her main hand weapon and casts his/her net at the opponent.
    Alternative 4: GLADIATOR2 fails to spot GLADIATOR1's left hand motion in time and sees the falling web at the last moment.

    *The Entangle skill text appears only when the net is used (no text for the whip) so the above descriptions are just for that weapon.

    Signature Move is missing for a reason. These are actually 3 different skills under 1 cap so I'll need to some time to shape them up (probably will use the old Signature Move: Blind/Sweep/Disarm like it is an individual skill).

    I'll probably start with the "battle sentences" next week(end). One question to Nate though - are we focusing only on the fight itself or also on the beginning and endings? I think the arena can become more "alive" if there is more than just one line before/after the gladiators get at each other's throats.
    Last edited by Kreegan; 10-26-2014 at 08:14 AM.

  10. #20
    Elite Master Kreegan's Avatar
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    Here is a general concept of what could be added to the "essence" of the arena matches before they even begin:

    1. The arena, the crowd, the spectacle before the spectacle, etc.

    The gladiatorial fight is the main event on the arena but it's not the sole entertainment provided to the crowd. Before the beginning of each fight, there could be other events which prepare the stage for the main one or just edge the appetite of the spectators for what is to come. These could include acrobatic performances, dances (slave girls of course ), actors re-creating some event related to the Great Realm or playing a parody of an arena fight, beastmasters displaying and taming some exotic creature, even priests performing a sacrifice to honour the Blood Gods. Additionally, a simple description of the crowd and its preparation for the spectacle could be given.

    Example 1:

    "Gentry and rabble from all over the Great Realm fill the great amphitheatre. Fights erupt over the last free seats, forcing the guards to intervene and ruthlessly beat the troublemakers out of the arena. City nobles settle on the Grand Stand, casting a contemptuous glance at the tattered crowd that creeps all around them and order to be served wine and women. Today's fights promise to be exciting."

    Example 2:

    "The bloodthirsty crowd threatens to tear apart the ancient arena. One of the floor gates opens and spits a dozen of fightened prisoners of war who start running in random directions. The great host screams in excitement as the guards shoot arrows at the doomed wretches, dropping them one by one. Javelins and throwing knives are distributed among the spectators on the first rows to finish the wounded. The arena officials observe with satisfaction the results of the diversion and make the final preparations of the main event."

    2. The gladiators enter.

    Each gladiator is a star or at least an object of interest for the arena visitors. Being the main participants in the games, their appearance (preceded by deliberately built up tension) is a special moment. Currently we don't have any real "appreciation" of that moment, except an occasional line before the start of the battle related to the fighters. This could be changed to a short text for each of the fighters' appearance (which is more personal) or to small paragraph for both of them.

    Example 1 - separate texts:

    Gladiator 1 enters: GLADIATOR1 steps on the sands, welcomed by shouts from all sides. Paying no attention to the insults that the fans of his opponent throw at him, he/she raises his weapon high in the air, greeting all who will support him in the upcoming battle and immediately attracting the approving roar of thousands.

    Gladiator 2 enters: GLADIATOR2 crushes the jaw of one of his overseers with a powerful punch, kicks another one in the stomach, sending him a few feet back, and before the others could restrain him, he/she emerges on the arena floor, ready to deliver far greater pain to his/her opponent.

    Example 2 - single text:

    The Enforcer calmly watches as the two opponents take their first steps on the arena floor. As they move to the centre under the screams of the crowd, he commandingly raises his huge right right hand, imposing silence over the countless visitors. The gladiators stare at each other, waiting for the sign that the blood spilling can start. The Enforcer looks up at the Grand Stand where a figure in splendid robe nodes in approval. The death match begins.

    If there is any room for something like that, I'll develop it further.

    Suggestions about the fight itself and the end of battle to come next.

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