-
Smashface Am Here!
Well I'm still waiting for someone worthy to fill BB II's old slot so I decided to entertain myself. Welcome Smashface. I'm going to let him rant about his career as long as it takes me to grow bored of him, or until I need that spot for someone better.
Starting stats:
Cost: 956 gold, 99 silver
Rage
Str - 83
Int - 58
Agi - 74
Sta - 70
Siz - 69
Pre - 60
Chi - 74
--
Day 1:
Warman say me am now fight for him. He call me Smashface, because I smash him in face with rock when he buy. HA! HA! I like Smashface. Is sneaky. No one expect when I smash THEIR faces! HA!
--
Fights:
Arena Challenge vs. Minatauro:
Me go for first fight. Bullman think he can win, but his face gets smashed! HA! HA!. Now Smashface am level 2? No know what that means, maybe time to smash face number 2? Me also wins a cheese mint? Makes me more strong so is good.
Smashface vs. Yagur
Someone in crowd call Smashface "Grape Ape". Smashface not know what that mean but naked man with sword is dumb. Smashface try to smash him face, but get neck instead. It not matter, he fall down and Smashface win!
Smashface vs. Forty
Bossman say Smashface get bad matchup. Not know what this mean but at least armor man not naked. Smashface been having dreams about naked Yagur man. Am creeped out. Forty have so much armor me cannot even see face? How to smash noface?! I try anyway but armor stop all smashing. Noface stab me in leg. It hurt lots, but not as much as another stab in neck. Noface wins with mean stabs.
--
Starting strategy: 4/4, Bash, Head/Torso.
Axe/Mace trained to level 3
Equipped +1 STR achievement from Minatauro
-
That's hilarious!!! Please keep this going!!!
By the way did you steal this guy from Apocalypse? :)
-
Damn slave trader... I give him some coin to keep these guys aside for me and he goes and does this! I am unimpressed.
That narration is gold. I love the "noface" commentary :P
-
haha, love the grape ape commentary.
-
Heh, glad you're enjoying it. Hopefully the Hulk-speak won't get old TOO fast. ;)
---
Day 2
Monkeyuser vs. Smashface
Smashface happy to face Monkeyman! But he is a liar! He had no monkeys. Me like monkeys until they get all squishy. Smashface get angry and beat Monkeyman up.
Waterboy vs. Smashface
Arena is all lies. Waterboy not made of water. Me have trouble hitting but then Waterbaby give up. Complain he is too tired to keep fighting. He ask for water so me water him. HA HA! Me is so funny. Just wish could find me pants.
Smashface vs. Lilith
They make me fight girl?! Girl hit hard and make Smashface sad, but she pretty so Smashface only smash a little. Then girl get tired and lay on ground. Smashface know what this mean but Arenaman stop! Must ask Bossman what Sensual Harnessment is.
Smashface vs. Longphung
Noooo! Another Nakedman! Smashface close eyes but then Nakedman stab Smashface in nono spot! He go smash and me win again! Maybe me send pretty girl flowers in celebration.
Smashface vs. Razorback
Lilith no want flowers. She call Smashface names. Make Smashface angry. Razorman get smooshed. Smashface now level 4, but worried that soon he out of fingers to count levels. It is good though. Bossman remind Smashface that he have another hand!
---
Level 4
Axe & Maces trained to 4.1
-
Day 3
Thethezbian vs. Smashface
Actor man act like loser now! Smashface am invincible!
Hauk vs. Smashface
Hauk have big axe. Is nice. would smash many faces with that! Me smash his arm lots but he won't let go even though he fall down and lose. Oh well Bossman promise pie if me win another fight. PIE!
Smashface vs. Mud
Haha! Mudman live up to name. Me crush easily and get delicious pie!
Smashface vs. Shado
RARGH! Pie was cherry. SMASHFACE HATE CHERRY! Smashface take anger out on Shadowman. Me find eye stuck to axe later. Will mail back to Shadowman tomorrow.
---
Level 4
Axe & Maces trained to 4.8
-
glorious.
lol @ lilith and pie
-
Day 4
Bossman take axes away and give 2 new smashers. Say they are more fitting. Me not understand, how are supposed to wear smashers?
Smashface vs. Kodran the Grey (Arena Challenge)
Greyman no match. Me not see any grey though just lots of red when me smash.
Smashface vs. Kingseig
King is girl? Me no understand, isn't king supposed to be man? King girl also have no crown. King girl say she not go out like Lilith and run around a lot. Me get tired chasing all over place and miss a lot. Hard to hit with smashers when wearing on head. Crowd start laughing. Me not understand what is funny. After while me start to feel not so good and wake up in hospital with pain in bad spot.
Smashface vs. Deadgirl
More girl. Good day for Smashface! Me feel bad about smashing Deadgirl but she is dead so she no feel. Me not know why dead scream so much.
---
Level 5
Axe and Mace trained to 5.4
Strategy changed to:
Start: 5/3 Bash Head/Torso
Moderate Tired: 4/3 Bash Head/Torso
Notes: His dumbness is starting to catch up to him already as his chances of raising Axe/Mace are down to 59.2% and he's not even level 6 in it yet. Ouch.
-
Day 5
Smashface vs. Grom Ironjaw (Arena Challenge)
Metalmouth not laugh at Smashface anymore with all metal teeth knocked out.
Smashface vs. Hillbilla
She have big teeth and no wear shoes. Smashface like Lilith better. But Overall-Girl fight good! Smashface one that get smashed this time.
Armen vs. Smashface
R-man no match for Smashface. Me smash him back to A-man! Ha! Ha! Me so funny.
Smashface vs. Skullraper
Skullman give Smashface very bad feeling. Is tough fight! Skullman almost win and Smashface hurt very bad. But then Skullman get very creepy smile and me find energy to finish him off. Me ask boss not to fight creepy skullman again.
---
Level 6
Axe & Mace trained to 5.7
Strategy changed to:
Start: 7/7 Berserk Head/Torso
Moderately Tired: 5/5 Bash Head/Torso
Very Tired: 4/3 Bash Head/Torso
-
Day 6-7 (Part 1)
Me sleep yesterday. No fight. Boss angry and say he will teach lesson. Me no like school but think boss is bluffing.
Helminion vs. Smashface
Hellman use sword AND club? Hellman is weird. You cannot stab and smash same time. Me tried but it never work good! Me teach him good lesson about how to smash but some of him arm bone get stuck in me head.
Forty vs. Smashface
HAHA! Me ready for noface this time. Me smart. If he have no face, me cannot smash. So me smash stomach instead. Noface curl up like little baby and cry. No wait. Boss said not to talk about that part since he manage noface too. Magic word box. Erase last part.
Geogod vs. Smashface
Godman am tough! Me smash but he no go down. Boss says no but maybe he is god, because he magic me to sleep halfway into fight.