Smashface Am Here!

Well I'm still waiting for someone worthy to fill BB II's old slot so I decided to entertain myself. Welcome Smashface. I'm going to let him rant about his career as long as it takes me to grow bored of him, or until I need that spot for someone better.

Starting stats:

Cost: 956 gold, 99 silver

Rage
Str - 83
Int - 58
Agi - 74
Sta - 70
Siz - 69
Pre - 60
Chi - 74
--
Day 1:

Warman say me am now fight for him. He call me Smashface, because I smash him in face with rock when he buy. HA! HA! I like Smashface. Is sneaky. No one expect when I smash THEIR faces! HA!

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Fights:

Arena Challenge vs. Minatauro:
Me go for first fight. Bullman think he can win, but his face gets smashed! HA! HA!. Now Smashface am level 2? No know what that means, maybe time to smash face number 2? Me also wins a cheese mint? Makes me more strong so is good.

Smashface vs. Yagur

Someone in crowd call Smashface "Grape Ape". Smashface not know what that mean but naked man with sword is dumb. Smashface try to smash him face, but get neck instead. It not matter, he fall down and Smashface win!

Smashface vs. Forty

Bossman say Smashface get bad matchup. Not know what this mean but at least armor man not naked. Smashface been having dreams about naked Yagur man. Am creeped out. Forty have so much armor me cannot even see face? How to smash noface?! I try anyway but armor stop all smashing. Noface stab me in leg. It hurt lots, but not as much as another stab in neck. Noface wins with mean stabs.

--
Starting strategy: 4/4, Bash, Head/Torso.
Axe/Mace trained to level 3
Equipped +1 STR achievement from Minatauro

That's hilarious!!! Please keep this going!!!

By the way did you steal this guy from Apocalypse? :)

Damn slave trader... I give him some coin to keep these guys aside for me and he goes and does this! I am unimpressed.



That narration is gold. I love the "noface" commentary :P

haha, love the grape ape commentary.

Heh, glad you're enjoying it. Hopefully the Hulk-speak won't get old TOO fast. ;)
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Day 2

Monkeyuser vs. Smashface

Smashface happy to face Monkeyman! But he is a liar! He had no monkeys. Me like monkeys until they get all squishy. Smashface get angry and beat Monkeyman up.

Waterboy vs. Smashface

Arena is all lies. Waterboy not made of water. Me have trouble hitting but then Waterbaby give up. Complain he is too tired to keep fighting. He ask for water so me water him. HA HA! Me is so funny. Just wish could find me pants.

Smashface vs. Lilith

They make me fight girl?! Girl hit hard and make Smashface sad, but she pretty so Smashface only smash a little. Then girl get tired and lay on ground. Smashface know what this mean but Arenaman stop! Must ask Bossman what Sensual Harnessment is.

Smashface vs. Longphung

Noooo! Another Nakedman! Smashface close eyes but then Nakedman stab Smashface in nono spot! He go smash and me win again! Maybe me send pretty girl flowers in celebration.

Smashface vs. Razorback

Lilith no want flowers. She call Smashface names. Make Smashface angry. Razorman get smooshed. Smashface now level 4, but worried that soon he out of fingers to count levels. It is good though. Bossman remind Smashface that he have another hand!
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Level 4
Axe & Maces trained to 4.1

Day 3

Thethezbian vs. Smashface

Actor man act like loser now! Smashface am invincible!

Hauk vs. Smashface

Hauk have big axe. Is nice. would smash many faces with that! Me smash his arm lots but he won't let go even though he fall down and lose. Oh well Bossman promise pie if me win another fight. PIE!

Smashface vs. Mud

Haha! Mudman live up to name. Me crush easily and get delicious pie!

Smashface vs. Shado

RARGH! Pie was cherry. SMASHFACE HATE CHERRY! Smashface take anger out on Shadowman. Me find eye stuck to axe later. Will mail back to Shadowman tomorrow.

---
Level 4
Axe & Maces trained to 4.8

glorious.

lol @ lilith and pie

Day 4

Bossman take axes away and give 2 new smashers. Say they are more fitting. Me not understand, how are supposed to wear smashers?

Smashface vs. Kodran the Grey (Arena Challenge)

Greyman no match. Me not see any grey though just lots of red when me smash.

Smashface vs. Kingseig

King is girl? Me no understand, isn't king supposed to be man? King girl also have no crown. King girl say she not go out like Lilith and run around a lot. Me get tired chasing all over place and miss a lot. Hard to hit with smashers when wearing on head. Crowd start laughing. Me not understand what is funny. After while me start to feel not so good and wake up in hospital with pain in bad spot.

Smashface vs. Deadgirl

More girl. Good day for Smashface! Me feel bad about smashing Deadgirl but she is dead so she no feel. Me not know why dead scream so much.

---
Level 5
Axe and Mace trained to 5.4
Strategy changed to:
Start: 5/3 Bash Head/Torso
Moderate Tired: 4/3 Bash Head/Torso

Notes: His dumbness is starting to catch up to him already as his chances of raising Axe/Mace are down to 59.2% and he's not even level 6 in it yet. Ouch.

Day 5

Smashface vs. Grom Ironjaw (Arena Challenge)

Metalmouth not laugh at Smashface anymore with all metal teeth knocked out.

Smashface vs. Hillbilla

She have big teeth and no wear shoes. Smashface like Lilith better. But Overall-Girl fight good! Smashface one that get smashed this time.

Armen vs. Smashface

R-man no match for Smashface. Me smash him back to A-man! Ha! Ha! Me so funny.

Smashface vs. Skullraper

Skullman give Smashface very bad feeling. Is tough fight! Skullman almost win and Smashface hurt very bad. But then Skullman get very creepy smile and me find energy to finish him off. Me ask boss not to fight creepy skullman again.

---
Level 6
Axe & Mace trained to 5.7
Strategy changed to:
Start: 7/7 Berserk Head/Torso
Moderately Tired: 5/5 Bash Head/Torso
Very Tired: 4/3 Bash Head/Torso

Day 6-7 (Part 1)

Me sleep yesterday. No fight. Boss angry and say he will teach lesson. Me no like school but think boss is bluffing.

Helminion vs. Smashface

Hellman use sword AND club? Hellman is weird. You cannot stab and smash same time. Me tried but it never work good! Me teach him good lesson about how to smash but some of him arm bone get stuck in me head.

Forty vs. Smashface

HAHA! Me ready for noface this time. Me smart. If he have no face, me cannot smash. So me smash stomach instead. Noface curl up like little baby and cry. No wait. Boss said not to talk about that part since he manage noface too. Magic word box. Erase last part.

Geogod vs. Smashface

Godman am tough! Me smash but he no go down. Boss says no but maybe he is god, because he magic me to sleep halfway into fight.

Day 6-7 (Part 2)

Me take nap after early fights and wake up feeling weird! Head hurt and hat is ripped. Oh well it probably not important.

Smashface vs. Mammothcrusher

Ha! Smash always better than crush. Just to be safe me do both and win easy.

Smashface vs. the Huntress

Lady with giant fork is no match. Is fight time not lunch time. Maybe she go back to kitchen make Smashface some bacon. Mmm. Bacon.

Smashface vs. Zanar

Armor man take many smashes and not fall down. Is no fair. Me need law talking man to sue! Me eventually get tired and go to sleep but take longer than it used to.

Smashface vs. Theron

Another armor man. Too many armor mans! This one am easy to smash though.
--
Level 7
Axe & Mace trained to 6.1
Brute Force trained to 1
Race changed to Urk which raised endurance to 82.
Fight start changed to 8/8 Berserk Head/Torso

Day 8

Ever since me start feel different me on roll! Now me hungry for lunch. But is fight time!

Kayme vs. Smashface

Ha! Me make this guy go away fast. Me so funny.

Smashface vs. Thanatros

Me smash arms AND legs. Should be worth 2 wins!

Smashface vs. Calmrazorblade

Him poleaxe look like bitchin' guitar! Me want so smash very fast. But is not guitar. Me feel cheated.

---
Continues to totally suck at training.
Level 8
Axe & Mace trained to 6.3

Day 9-10

Smashface vs. Calmrazorblade

Razorman again? You must get stronger, last 23 seconds this time before me smash.

Smashface vs. Gimmir

You no fun. Only 4 smashes and you give up. Pretty ball on chain though.

Smashface vs. Nightmare (Arena challenge)

Bah me send him to dreamland. Boss give me that one. I no get.

Zila vs. Smashface

Dunder man so tiny and cute me want to take home! Me smashed too hard though just like that time with the bunny. Mr. Flufflessssssssssss! NOOOOOOO!

Smashface vs. Nineninefive

Number man is cheater. Number man confuse Smashface with his mathmagic! Me no fan fight magic. Me get him next time.

Smashface vs. Bolareoss

Haha bowl man make funny noise when me smash in bad spot.

Smashface vs. Panzer (Arena challenge)

Boss say I not ready for him yet but I smash easy. Easy like squishing rabbits. MR FLUFFLES! NONONONONO.

---
Axe & Mace trained to 6.8

Day 11-12

Smashface vs. the Watcher

Smashface think bighead baldman is funny. But boss says I still smash so I smash him good.


Jahaan vs. Smashface

Where people get all these giant forks? Giant forks not for fighting but for eating giant foods! Me smash him too hard. Just wanted fork. Now he is deaded and Smashface is sad. But now me is ready for giant dinner. Yum!

Smashface vs. DrWeird

Weirdman have ball on chain. Look like fun so me smash him good and take. Sorry about me drool on you at end of fight. Sometimes me forget to close mouth.

Smashface vs. Seramir

Armorman just stand there and get smashed. Me no understand. Do peoples like smashing?

Smashface vs. Dangorian

He dress like me! He try to confuse Smashface, but me smart and see that he has swords so I know he is not me and I smash him good.

---
Level 10
Axes & Maces trained to 7.3

Dear smashface,
I'm a huge fan, I love reading all your handiwork. Can you please send me a signed autograph, preferably engraved on your last opponent's forehead.
Sincerely,
Sliver :)

Smashface vs. Tarlrius

Me beat up armor man who just stand there like doll most of fight. But before he get dragged away me try to sign head with smashers. Enforcer man look angry at that and it not working anyway. So me sit down and think up great plan! Armor man had swords. Swords are good for cutting things! Me so smart. So me get up and look around but everyone was gone? Lucky armor man arm explode into pretty shards when me hit him hard so me took some. Swords were gone too so me had to bite bones. Me hope birdman likes. No one say Smashface not go extra mile for fans!

Bossman say me probably not fight again today. He say something about a bowl he has to watch. Why watch bowl unless is filled with something good? Me hope it is candy Urks. Me LOVE candy Urks!

---
Trained Axe & Mace to 7.4

He's down to a 27.3% chance to train and still a ways away from skill 8. Ouch. Once he hits 8 I think I'll switch to a few other skills just to get him a bit of training in since 9 and 10 will take weeks at this rate.

Grimm Blood vs. Smashface

Bloodman is good name for him. He bleed lots when smashed.

Congra vs. Smashface

Me forget what this guy look like. He kind of puddle of good when me done smashing. At least me got to keep the skull.

Smashface vs. Nursing Drone

Bee man stand around while being smashed. Is boring but more win for me!

Smashface vs. Gtrilogy

He have bitchin' awesome sword. Me ask if me can have but he just call Smashface names. Me got mad and smashed him good. Me am not sure is head supposed to come off like that?

Smashface vs. Lamoonia

Moon girl said she would punish Smashface but she was smashed like the rest. Me didn't mean to dead her though. Sorry moongirl!

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Level 11
Axe & Mace trained to 7.8

Man still enjoying these :) I thought Zila would do better in their match up.... but well Zila is even dumber then smashface and thats saying something.

Llachance vs. Smashface

Me tell chanceman that he have nochance with girly baby sword. He just smile. Me learn that girly baby sword still hurt though. Wonder if bossman can replace missing fingers with finger swords. Those would be awesome.

Smashface vs. Mincer

Mincemeat man from Meatmashers. Me ok with them. Almost like smashers and smashers are good like me! Too bad me had to smash anyway.

Smashface vs. Svadilvari

Sv....vads...sivlar....V man annoy Smashface with girly name! Me smash him good! Leave him with matching smashed arm and leg.

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Axe & Mace trained to 7.9

Smashface vs. Active

Is funny name for armor man who just stand there! Oh well Smashface not here to judge, just smash. Me smash him good then go for delicious ice cream.

Smashface vs. King of Blood

Kingman is tough! He hit Smashface with ball on stick hard. A lot. Kingman better be ready next time is for smashing!

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Level 12
0-8 training today. Ouch.

Dear Smashface,
I was able to get the autographed arm bone to Sliver...he likes it so much..it inspired him to go and kill a few opponents the last few days!! Heck even Summit wants one now.

But I did not tell him about you love for candy urks. Since he is an Urk, ..and his brother and cousin have gone missing the last few weeks..I'm hoping they did not end up in your bowl......

Well best of Luck
Crow

Dear SmashFace, what weapons u like to use? those huge rock on a stick type or those knife on a stick?

Love your progress on the sands and daily sharing. Keep them coming!

Bossman say me have to go to field now and won't be fighting anymore. He says there will be bunnies. Smashface like bunnies. Goodbye everyones!

:(

not the end of smashface!

Sorry guys, Smashface along with the rest of the team and all their gear has been sold off. Perhaps Smashface will return some day in another form. But for now Deep Hurting is retired as a stable.

We miss you smashface!!

Agreed, I miss his antics...